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Welcome to my new monthly, or bi-monthly I haven’t decided yet, piece, “Star Recruiting” As someone who’s started recruiting for a new up-and-coming guild I’ve learned that everyone has something to gain from playing World of Warcraft, and knowing these reasons can make you a great recruiter. I have several friends who just months ago had declared WoW a game for socially challenged, ugly nerds, and that they had no place playing it. They’re now all well on to their way to level 85. Through all this I thought why not use some Hollywood types that everyone looks up to (or in some cases down on) and give you, my readers, the points I’d make to these individuals on why they should take World of Warcraft for a test drive. My first hopeful Hollywood recruit, is Lindsay Lohan.

Dear Ms. Lohan,

I am writing to you today with a unique opportunity that I believe could benefit you in a number of ways. I’m sure you’ve heard of the game World of Warcraft and its large player base (11.2 million and growing), and perhaps even seen how some of your fellow actors are taking up the game as a hobby. I know a popular actress like yourself may have some reservations about playing World of Warcraft but let me assure you’d be passing up a great opportunity.

Let me start by addressing some of what I believe would be your largest concerns. People seem to think of being known as a WoW player as a stigma. First, World of Warcraft is a virtual environment and your privacy is held in high esteem by Blizzard (the game’s holding company) and you can rest assured if you didn’t want anyone to know you play, they wouldn’t. Second Katherine Heigl is a known WoW player, and she’s way hotter than you and still has a huge fan base, in fact I think when she admitted to being an avid (and skilled) WoW player her fan base grew. So don’t worry about it affecting people’s perception of you. In fact people’s current perception of you leads me into my second point, how you can benefit.

Many of my friends, myself included, like to go out once or twice a week, eat a nice dinner, and have a few drinks. Back in my sophomore/junior year of college this was nearly a nightly occurrence which had not only a high financial cost, but had a risk for potential trouble (my record is clean thank you), not to mention giving my liver a workout. I hope I’m not being too forward, but your partying/drug use/trouble making is nearly unrivaled (I don’t think Paris Hilton has managed to get charged with grand theft yet) and a hobby is something I’m sure several friends/councilors/lawyers/judges have suggested you find, one besides the partying/drug use/and thievery. However, what if I told you that you could not only steal and plunder, but kill as well, and no one would even mutter the word police? What if I told you that you could party, drink, and dance with anything or anyone you wanted, and not only not have to worry about the paparazzi snapping embarrassing photos, but not have to worry about any consequences. You would even get to enjoy drug trips that only our shamanic ancestors partook in hundreds of years ago, and not only be guaranteed to enjoy the experience, but never have to travel to any sketchy spots to partake in the event. All this for $15 a month, and it’s all in World of Warcraft!

WoW is not something that sucks you in and never lets go. They fixed that a couple of expansions back, so ignore the horror stories you read of people playing till their death, that’s Burning Crusade or older. You can give as much or as little time to your WoW hobby as you want. The good news is though no matter how much time you give the game you’ll never run out of things to do! You can fish in the beautiful Booty Bay, kill innocents and steal their hard earned money off their corpses, and then go off and kill legions of demons and be hailed by locals as a hero ALL BEFORE LUNCH! Think about it Lindsay, which world would you rather give more time to, the one that constantly associates your name with cocaine, theft, alcohol monitoring bracelets and debauchery (that means having lots of sex), or one that you could start out on fun adventures with a clean slate enjoying countless hours of adventures, experiences, and fun. By the way almost every adult enjoys a few beverages while in Azeroth and you can’t get a DUI! Think about it, even if your secret Warcraft identity was uncovered the next headline would be about Lindsay Lohan enjoying a nice virtual MMO, you’d instantly have a 11 million person fan-base!

Now lets get you set up with an avatar shall we? Now I would have recommended a Blood Elf to you, but the whole drug binge, heavy drinking, late partying deal has taken its toll a bit on you and I think Undead would be a more fitting race for you (don’t be angry, besides blood elves are vastly overrated, Undead are better for PvP) . As far as a class I think everyone on the world wide web would agree you’d be a stellar Rogue. Rogues have the ability to become invisible (like dodging those annoying paparazzi), pick pocket (you deny it, but your thieving skills are the envy of the Rogue world), and stabbing people in the back (everyone in Hollywood has this talent). Thus I believe an Undead Rogue is a perfect fit for you.

Now I’m aware that World of Warcraft is not for everyone, and Azeroth is home to only the finest of residents, so we’re all aware this may not work out. Despite my less than welcome letter I am completely honest in saying that I would do everything I could to make your entry into our virtual world as painless, effortless, and enjoyable as possible (I know I’ve been harsh but this last part is honest). WoW would really help entertain you, and keep you out of those real world activities that have hurt your reputation, bank account, and liver.

If all that fails to convince you I’d challenge you to count up the inevitable cost ($) of the life you’re leading and if its worth not giving something like WoW a try. Its free to try for 15 days.

Sincerely,

Travis (Sigmandis Dunemaul/Horde)

It’s like The Parent Trap all over again

So what do you all think? Showing how the individual benefits from trying a game like World of Warcraft while debunking the stigmas and myths goes a really long way to winning your reluctant friends over. Of course not everyone is going to jump on board no matter how hard you push. In this case recruit all their friends and family so they have no choice.

What tips do you have for recruiting for your guild? Do you have a favorite star I should reach out to next? Please leave a comment and let me know!